Okay i need some help please , before i give up?

do you want us to tell you you suck? i don't believe that it was good. And, this might sound rude, but teachers would think its good for a eighth grader, do you compare yourself with published authors? You got a long way to go before that but i would say find anything you can, books websites, friends, get into a creative writing cl, stuff like that to get better.